Deciding to launch a Podcast forced me to confront a huge loss in my life. In order to move forward with the programming, I had to face my own Trauma.
For so many of my formative early 20s, I was obsessed with my role as a college radio DJ on 90.3 FM KUSF San Francisco. In this role, I used the DJ name Badman. I loved being the Badman. I hosted a 3 hour radio show called "Badman Free Radio" on Thursday afternoon from 3-6 PM. On Sunday night, I hosted a 1 hour radio show with my best friends, Dr. Fugu Fish and MCRocktheMic called the Space ProgramX29. Being on the radio with my friends was a highlight of my life.
In 2012, Dr. Fugu Fish committed Suicide. For 10 years, I had buried my grief and my feelings of intense loss for my brother Jorgen. Getting back on the Mic to start the Psychedelic Revolution opened up many of the painful memories and wounds I still carry. However, I have worked myself to a place where I am able to forgive Dr. Fugu Fish.
For so many years, I carried immense anger for his decision to blow his brains out. I was pissed about him for taking his life and no longer being part of my life. I was sad for him but mostly angry. After ten years, I have been able to process this loss more and I still miss my friend immensely but now I realize how much I loved him.
In order to get back in the Mic, I had to confront my emotions and feelings about this trauma and I am finally able to move back into my passion to be on the "radio" in the form of this podcast.
I dedicate this first Episode of the Psychedelic-Revolution to my brother and best friend Dr. Fugu Fish, AKA Jorgen Stensson. We all miss and Love You.
If you are having depression or suicidal thoughts, please know that you are also loved as much as Dr. Fugu Fish was loved by me and ask for help. Help is always available. 800-273-8255 is a national suicide hotline number and there is a friend on the other end. Life will get better, I promise.
Sincerely Your Friend,
sizeoff on the sample (Moscow, RU)
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